“Are you sure you don’t need to stay home?” My mother eyed me suspiciously from the foot of my bed.
“You’ve spent all weekend in bed. You wouldn’t even go out with your friends. I’m wondering if you need to see a doctor.”
“I’m fine mom. Getting up now.”
“Okay. I’ll be back to check on you in ten. If you’re still there…then…”
“I’m moving. I’m moving..”
I waited till she left to briefly close my eyes and inhale.
All weekend, I thought of him from the comfort of my bed. Only getting up to eat, make small talk with my family, and use the bathroom. Other than that, I was glued to my bed like he was glued to the front of my mind. The guy who annoyed me was now annoying me in an entirely different way. A way that I liked. I was reminded of the way he spoke to me. A mix of confident and cocky with his actions and words, yet he was also nervous. It showed in his gestures. A real guy. Maybe that was what I wanted. Something real.
“It’s not that I don’t like you…it’s that I’m in love with you,” spoken in his deep voice, was on repeat for my ears only.
Never had someone taken such an interest or cared for me in such a way. It excited me. It gave me hope.
He’d transformed in a short time from a guy who made me feel like complete crap to a guy who made me feel like I was on top of the world.
I was determined to get to know him- the real him.
We were only thirteen going on fourteen, but I was starting to realize I didn’t care about my age. I had one life to live- so I was going to live it the way I wanted.
You’re too young, some would say. And where I used to listen, now I couldn’t care less. Because their opinions were just that: their opinions. No one would make choices for me any longer. Except, well my parents, but even them….If they got in the way of my happiness, maybe I’d take up lying. It wasn’t me, but I was tired and bored with the current state of things.
With thoughts of him flooding my mind, I confidently prepared for school. This time, taking a little longer to pick out my outfit and making an extra effort in applying mascara to my lashes and strawberry chapstick that tastes like a strawberry lollipop to my lips.
The ride was a haze. When I finally walked into the school building, I walked up the stairs with a loud heart. My hands started to sweat- telling me I was more nervous than I thought. I brushed my hands against my jeans as I made it to the top step.
I kept my eyes focused on my locker and crossed the hall to my locker without looking for him, though I wanted to.
Where did all my confidence go?
All the hairs on my neck stood up at the sound of his voice. Turning to him and watching my name escape his lips about did me in.
I had it bad for this guy. But I couldn’t show it.
I was determined to be confident. Fake it till you make it, right?
“Hey, yourself.” I flashed him a smile I believed to be flirty.
His eyebrows shot up, and he paused for a moment.
“Well, would you like me to walk you to class?” He flashed me his most charming smile.
“Hmm… I guess that’d be cool.” I tried to reign in my hormones and play this off like no big deal.
We stood there staring almost blankly at each other as the seconds ticked away.
It was as if we were both trying to figure out what the other was thinking.
Just then, the one girl I couldn’t stand came over to him and laid her hand on his arm. Staking a claim.
She spoke softly and calmly to him as she watched me closely.
“Really? You’re still playing this game? Aren’t you taking it too far now? Stop this joke on this poor, pathetic girl. It’s a waste of your time.”
The wheels start turning as “joke” and “game” register. This was all a joke. A sick game for him to fuck around with me.
I should’ve known after all these years.
He doesn’t love me.
I was a fool.
All the hope, eagerness, and happiness I had- now drained out of me through my feet and onto the floor. And she stomped on it with a smile.
I looked to him, and he looked upset? My guess was that it was because of the fact that the game was over. The joke was out. And it was me, all along.
Tears stung in the back of my eyes. I felt the tears pool, but I was not going to give him the satisfaction.
I turned on my heel to head to the nurse.
Soon, a warm, familiar hand was on my shoulder, reaching out to me.
Loudly, he tells me, “I swear it’s not like that. I’d never hurt you.” His eyes looked bare and almost sad. Desperate. How well I am acquainted with that feeling. But I will not be a fool any longer.
“You’ve done it all my life. Why would you change now? I should’ve known.” I tell him through clenched teeth.
I quickly make my escape down the stairs and to my own safe haven… the nurse’s office.
Now, I wished I listened to mom.
I should’ve just stayed home.
Start with the first here.