“It’s not that I don’t like you…it’s that I’m in love with you.” These words that left his lips rang in my ears again and again. The memory was set on repeat in my mind. I could hear his raspy voice that accompanied his eyes I could so clearly see when I closed my own. The way he looked at me made me breakout into a full body euphoria.
The guy who I thought despised me had kissed me and told me he was in love with me. But even more of a surprise, I kissed him back. With everything I had.
And I liked it. Immensely.
Never would I have pictured my first kiss being so intense or with someone I thought I hated.
And it was his kiss and confession that now made me fixate on every little detail of our moments together. On every little detail of him.
Hours after, I find myself on my bed at home, and my parents are arguing downstairs about what they think is wrong with me. Maybe something is wrong with me. Refusing to eat dinner and refusing to socialize with anyone, I hideaway in the confines of my room. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.
Confused is not a good enough word to describe what I am feeling. Yet again, no singular feeling can describe this.
After all these years, I’m baffled by the thought that the guy who caused me pain sought me out because he had deep feelings for me. One mystery solved, but it only opened up a million more.
Closing my eyes once more and sinking into the plushy comforter on my bed, all I saw was him. He completely infiltrated my mind. My mind brought him into my bedroom. Towering in my doorway, I’d dash out of bed, run to him, reach up and pull his mouth down to mine. Our kiss would grow even more intense than the last time. He’d pick me up and swing my legs around his waist. Carrying me to the bed…
Stop! I cannot think these things.
But these little slaps on the wrist I gave myself would not do a thing to stop me from thinking of him in such a way.
Instead, I pictured his smell- pine and wintergreen mint. His eyes staring into mine. His jaw. His lips. His build. Never before had I noticed how extremely attractive he was. I could picture him so vividly, it was almost as if he was with me. Almost as if he was mine.
I thought I hated him!
But why? Because he bothered me?
I did not really know much about him except for the fact that he annoyed me. Now that he confessed that it was because of his feelings for me, I rationalized I should make an effort to truly get to know him- and I wanted to know everything there was to know about him.
For once, I was extremely excited for school on Monday. I wanted the day to be over already.
This was going to be one of the longest weekends of my life.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep where for the first time, I had a pleasant dream about sitting under the tree with the guy who gave me my first kiss… a guy who loved me.
Keep reading for more of this story and excerpts of others to come. 🙂 Thank you!