Sometimes I get these little thoughts. It’s 2:00 AM. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, while my love sleeps soundly. I gently push a few strands of hair off her face. Her peace and natural beauty brings a smile to my face briefly, before I return to my thoughts.
I remember being a happy, young guy with dreams to take the world in my hands and squeeze out everything from it that I wanted. Now, years later, that dream is still there, but barely.
I hate my job. I hate the constant stressors I am faced with- mostly the stressors that make their appearance weekly and monthly. The ones that unmercifully attack my bank account in return for food, a place to live, and clothes. Things I need, don’t get me wrong.
Maybe today I’m going to get out of bed and choose to not go to work. I’m going to go somewhere I’ve never gone before.
How I would love to abandon all of my responsibilities- even for just a day to get through the rest. Gone like the wind and perhaps, not to come back.
I’m leaving behind mediocrity and finding my own way today. I’ll survive. I’ll make it happen. With the little I have, there are endless possibilities. I don’t need much. I just need my writing and my love.
But will she come with me? She may throw around the idea. But the answer is “No.” I know it before it leaves her lips. Those sweet lips that give me a temporary solace. She needs stability and lives for her responsibilities.
I’m alone in my thoughts. So, unspoken and forgotten they go. They were crazy, little thoughts anyways, right?
Looking over at my love, I think. She’s my pride and joy. The little bit of happiness I hold onto.
But this is my life, too.
Am I happy? Should I even have to ask that question?
And this is how I am choosing to live my life? When the clock is ticking and my days are numbered.
Going with the grain is not my thing. I want to go against it.
It’s easy to follow the pack. It’s easy to get comfortable.
But maybe I want to get lost.
As the minutes of thinking turn to hours, I drift back to sleep…
only to wake to my alarm one hour later- which feels precisely like one minute later. The sound punctures my eardrums and my thoughts. The choice that always wins triumphs.
I get ready to go to work.
My own problems aside, I love my girl. I’d never leave her. Maybe I am giving away some of my desires to make it work, but I’d do anything for her.
Fictional excerpt by yours truly. Hope you enjoyed!